my phone needs a breathalizer
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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