wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
