Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize