i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
