UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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