well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
