He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
