the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
