You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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