You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
