I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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