wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
