It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I AM VODKA MAN
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
