Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
