have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize