she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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