i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
