Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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