Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize