I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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