fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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