Got a toothbrush?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
