I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
