I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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