just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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