The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize