every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
