Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
