I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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