Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
