why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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