hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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