dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
