I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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