Midget sex pt 2 tonight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
