all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
