Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
