M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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