got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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