We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
