Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
