he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
