Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
