So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
