TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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