When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
