smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
honey bunches of taint.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize