I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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