All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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