even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
