tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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