Its about making memories worth repressing
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
