Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
