and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
