the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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