He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
