You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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