The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
