i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
