Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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