Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
handjob tips. give me some.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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