I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think people are normalizing furries
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize