My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
