FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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