Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
